Welcome once again to Hypocrites Anonymous, a volunteer organisation dedicated to those in society whom truly believe that the feelings of gross insincerity that they hold are a gift. Of necessity we have an ‘open book’ policy and work on the basis of complete transparency. Our doors always being open to those poor unfortunates in denial and dwelling in the realms of fantasy.
Today I want to inform you of a case, an ongoing case, concerning a woman who is deeply troubled. This woman had Das Kapital surgically implanted into her brain cavity soon after birth. I tell you this, not to gain your sympathy nor, to offer it as an explanation as to the woman’s condition. I refer, of course, to one Theresa Mary May, born, 1 October 1956. A woman so tied in a knot of hypocrisy that she has become the metaphoric Cain to the 2016 referendum. She has presented us with a difficult case because, although it was alleged in some Tory circles that she was next in line for the post of ‘Village Idiot’ until plucked from almost certain obscurity by the Conservative Party and asked to stand in ,the then newly created seat of Maidenhead. This after two previous humiliations at the ballot box. She was soon taken under the wing of William Hague who made her his Shadow Spokesman for Schools, Disabled People and Women.
Strangely, she was referred to this facility by a Mr McCluskey. I say, ‘strangely’ because Mr McCluskey is a man not unfamiliar with matters of hypocrisy but is typical of those who can identify the symptoms in others whilst ignoring their own misgivings. Non-the-less, disparagement aside, Theresa Mary May is a highly intelligent person. This is due to the fact that she was fortunate enough to attend some excellent schools during her formative years. She initially attended Heythrop Primary School, a state school in Heythrop, followed by St. Juliana’s Convent School for Girls, a Roman Catholic independent school in Begbroke, which closed in 1984.
Age 13, She won a place at the former Holton Park Girls’ Grammar School, a state school in Wheatley. Whilst there, the Oxfordshire education system was reorganised and the school became the new Wheatley Park Comprehensive School. With her secondary education completed, she attended the University of Oxford where she read geography at St Hugh’s College, graduating with a second class BA degree in 1977.
Ever ambitious she decided to stand for election but, having grafted and grovelled for years in Local Government she needed to catch the eye of the Party heirarchy. She managed this by serving as a councillor for Durnsford ward on theLondon Borough of Merton from 1986 to 1994, where she was Chairman of Education (1988–90) and Deputy Group Leader and Housing Spokesman (1992–94). She further ingratiated herself by standing as a sacrificial lamb for the Tories in two safe Labour seats.
We believe that the full extent of her duplicitous nature came to the fore when she was entrusted to take over from David Cameron. A man whose promises were as trustworthy as a Greek government bond. None-the-less, upon reaching the dizzy heights of leadership her first duty was to declare that,“Brexit means Brexit!” The hypocrisy had begun!
Sadly our task here is going to be a long and sometime painful exercise. We have discovered that, apart from her duplicitous traits, her delusions of sincerity and the feigning of illusionary beliefs she also suffers from short term memory loss. It appears that she remembers very little post 1997 or, it could be that her duplicitous nature dictates that her memory is selective of matters said and done by her between 97 and 2016. Like her mentor, “Tricky Phil Hammond,” she shows a complete lack of trust in the British people. It matters not to her that ordinary, decent working men and women used to look to the Tory Party for fairness and guidance. What matters to her and something that we must adjust in her psyche whilst she is here, is that she holds onto her job at all costs and looks good in the eyes of her paymasters in Brussels. Her ruthless selfishness and total disregard for her fellow beings plus her penchant for saying one thing and doing another, holds her in good stead for this.
Never fear, we will do our best to treat this simple woman and try to undo all of the complicated globalist doctrine knots which fetter her small brain. Hypocrisy in the corridors of power must be eradicated and here, at Hypocrites Anonymous, we are trying to do our best to tackle this epidemic.